Category Archives: me

When Good-Bye just isn’t Enough

Losing a loved one is never easy. Growing up, I didn’t have any understanding of it. It honestly seemed like something that happened in other families, but not mine. It was so far beyond my understanding and yet looking back, there was loss all around me. The boy in second grade who lost his mom to cancer, friends who lost grandparents, some who have lost far more, far sooner.

The past 10 years, we’ve experienced those losses. Grandparents, friends, my nephew. Gone. It puts an ache in my heart that I simply cannot put words to. I don’t think it really ever matters how old someone is when they pass away because that loss is felt deeply by those who loved them the most. Sure, we take comfort in knowing that the more life lived, the more life could be lived well and fully but our hearts? They don’t measure the years, they only feel the memories and finality of death. No new memories to mold into our hearts. Death truly is an end to our earthly understanding. Yes, we have heaven to look forward to but so few of us will ever experience a taste of that before we find ourselves there. So all we’re left with is what we know now. And for many of us, part of that knowing is the pain of goodbye.

My grampa went to be with his God last week. My last grandparent to leave us. The loss, though not unexpected, has still hit us deeply and profoundly. Never again in this life will I hear his laugh or his stories or feel his hugs. Gone are those opportunities to tell him I love him. In an instant, everything changes.

I know he knew how much I loved him. I know he knew that I wish I could have spent more time with him, just as I understood his need to not be seen and remembered toward the end. The man I remember is ageless to me. The man I remember came home from his job at the bakery with fresh peanut butter cookies and a smile. The man I remember took such delight in being a grandparent and loving his grandchildren. The man I remember had a wicked sense of humor and loved to push the limits to what he should say in front of his impressionable grand kids. The man I remember loved his family fiercely and his God faithfully. When he lost his vision, his freedom and his beloved wife, he remained faithful to his God. Sure, he had dark times, who doesn’t? But he never stopped living, he just paused now and then.

The man I remember exemplified the relationship I pray my kids will have with their grandparents. That same love, adoration and the endless smiles and excitement that come from an anticipated visit. I want those memories to be alive in my kids’ hearts as they are in mine. Those experiences, those laughs, the mischief.

The man who left us will be wonderfully remembered. The man who left us has been beautifully restored. The man who left us will be reunited with us one day soon.

Goodbye…until we meet again Grampa. Rest peacefully in the eternity promised you and the hope you never lost.

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Filed Under: me

Mayhem Monday: Bittersweet Memories

Last week, we were on holidays. We had a great week planned, lots of activities with the kids, hubby’s birthday and a three-day course for me. We were busy and we definitely made some fantastic memories. Our biggest outing was a trip to the aquatic center in a neighbouring city. Now, before I touch on…

Filed Under: me

Gracing our way through Summer

Aaaaaaand we are officially in summer mode. I’m suddenly being transported back to my youth and the inevitable “I’m booooored” or “Now what???”. It could potentially be a very long summer. I’m hoping it will be a good one. I have to say, preschool graduation was beyond adorable. My heart was pretty much bursting from…

A Mother’s Heart for Her Preschooler

This is the last week my oldest is in school. Hard to believe that in a few short days, I will have a preschool graduate. I’m not anticipating being overly weepy at his concert because I’m not really the type to get that emotional (or maybe I’m in denial and am going to be eating…

When Grace is no longer on your path

Have you ever felt the dimming of a light in your life? Something that you once felt such passion toward, that came naturally, that you delighted in and felt like you shone a light all around you when you did it, now seeming so hard to bring yourself to do? Like that passion is still…

8 years…

I gotta say, I don’t often talk about my hubby. You won’t see pictures of him here or me ever mention him by name. I actually am not a fan of the word “hubby” but I’m just too lazy to write “other half” and “husband” seems so formal and if you know me, I’m anything…

Finding Grace in my Parent Fails

As parents, we have moments where we can’t help but pat ourselves on the back for a job well done (what’s that? you ate the dinner that I didn’t burn, without complaint or bribery??? Score). Aaaaaand there are those moments where parent-fail doesn’t even scratch the surface. I’m talking about more than burnt dinners (check),…

Adjusting my Focus Upward

How is it only Wednesday?! Seriously…I feel as though I’ve lived a week in only a few short (yet long) days. This has been one of the most exhausting weeks I’ve had in a long time. Physically and emotionally. And I couldn’t be happier for it. Without going into specifics, there is a lot going…