This is it. The day I’ve been dreading for the last 54 weeks.
The end of my maternity leave. Starting Monday morning, I will be part of the working world. I will be shuttling my boys to daycare and then battling traffic to get to work. The second I drop them off, I will be counting down the minutes until I can be reunited with them again.
I’m really struggling with letting them go.
Before anyone starts flooding my comments with “at least you got 54 weeks”, “stop complaining, look how much time you get off” and so forth let me be perfectly clear: I had a long time off to be with my babies. A lot longer than most people. I know that and if there were words to explain how eternally grateful I am that I live in a place that gives me over a year to be home with my kids, I would be shouting it from the roof tops (or possibly from my front door…it is winter after all). BUT that doesn’t make my heart ache any less knowing that on Monday, I will resume my life as a working mom and my babies will be in the (capable and loving) hands of someone else.
I think any parent can relate when I say that whether it’s 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years, it’s never enough time. We always wish for more time. More time to play, more time to enjoy and more time to just sit back and experience the world through their eyes. I’m struggling a great deal knowing that I may be at work when Baby O takes his first steps. I may be at work when my kids have a problem that only a mother can help. I will miss countless numbers of boo-boo kissing, dance party’s, temper tantrums and having my shoulder be the number one chew toy for a teething baby.
I will miss those moments immensely and cherish that magical time of the day when I can kiss their faces, hug them, cry a little (or a lot) and then ask them all about their day.
I don’t tend to get super serious on this site but this is one of the most serious struggles that I face in my life because it causes and unspoken amount of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I love my boys more than words and the decision to return to work was not easy but it’s what we felt was best for us right now. I do love what I do for a living. It’s not my lifelong passion (you can read about that here) but I enjoy the challenge my job brings me. I just wish my work day could be broken up with random playtime with my kids.
So if you have a few extra hugs to spare, I could really use one. Maybe two or three.