In a continual effort to make every moment count, to slow down, and to place a higher value on myself and my need to do less in order to do better, one of the things I’ve really wanted to focus on is my time with God. My prayer life hasn’t always been great (you know how it goes: You pray before you go to bed only to fall asleep before you even get started? Yeah…guilty) and taking the time to do a devotion, read my bible or just sit in stillness has never been something I’ve particularly excelled at. In fact, most of the time I’m barely managing a passing grade. I find that I have no trouble scheduling in a run or a workout because I love doing both and I get an immense amount of enjoyment out of being active. My spiritual health on the other hand, well, it’s been pretty neglected.
I really wanted to change that and place more focus on that quiet time with my God. With a number of very important decisions to be made this year, a lot of change on the horizon in our house and the sheer fear of the uncertainty that comes with such things, I am quickly realizing that this life of mine, is really not meant to be in my control. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t want it to be. After all, how am I honouring my God if I only let him into the safe parts of my life? The answer is, I’m not. And that needs to change. I can’t expect him to light a path for me to follow if my head is constantly up my rear and not where it needs to be (i.e. not up my rear).
I’ve had a real tug at my heart for a number of years now, one that I’ve largely been ignoring because the fear of the unknown has done nothing less than scare the living crap out of me. A poor excuse at the best of times but over the years and especially in the last 12 months, there has been an undeniable path that’s been put in front of me that I’ve always found a way to avoid because greater than the fear of failure (which in all honestly, I could probably handle because I have my “other” life to fall back on which is quite comfy at the moment) is the fear of success. What happens if I make it? That’s the scariest thing of all!
So where am I going? Good question. I have no idea!! Fun, huh?! But I know that in the coming weeks/months, I’m going to focus on really listening to what God has in mind for me, where I need to be and how I can get there. I’m not planning on sitting around waiting for the answers to be dropped into my lap (though wouldn’t it be awesome if that were how easy it was?!) but I am determined to bring every unanswered question to Him, pray over it and follow His lead.
Restless or not, things are about to get messy. Who’s ready to jump into the mud pit with me?!?