I’ve been marveling a lot at how much my kids have grown up in the last 3 months. Fit Boy especially. He’s just blossoming into this little boy with so much personality and heart that I have to remind myself that he’s mine to cherish. It pretty much blows my mind on a daily basis.
Over the weekend, I went for what will be my second last long run before the half marathon and I was greeted with tears as I started getting ready and a little voice that said:
“I don’t want you to go running Mama.”
My heart broke a little bit because up until now, he may not have always liked that I would go out for a run but he’s certainly never been teary over it.
In poured that guilt that we parents know oh-so-well. Then the questions of “am I doing the right thing?”, “am I being selfish by leaving the house for 2ish hours every weekend for over 3 months now?”, “is this worth it if I’ve scarred my children for life, all so I could run like a crazy person for 2 and a half hours, endure muscles aches, blisters, strains and sprains?”.
I went for my run and did my best not to think to hard about this encounter and remind myself that I am entitled and I also need that time to myself. My children aren’t being left alone to fend for themselves while I run and the stress-free, freshly showered, ready to tackle the day while coasting on a runner’s high version of me is much more fun to be around than the bogged-down, lethargic, crabby, beast mom that lingers in the shadows waiting to pounce.
Proof that everything is just fine is that while I was out crushing my distance, Fit Boy went to spend some quality time with one of many people he tells me daily he loves more than me (humbling, I know). He came home, greeted me with a big smile and recounted his adventures as only a 2 and a half year old can. We talked about how mama went for her run and though he was more pleased with how much of mama’s running routine he has memorized (most notably that he doesn’t like to give me a hug when I come home because I’m “too wet”), he was still excited to hear my stories and curl up next to me.
Sometimes, it can be so easy to doubt that we are doing the right thing by living our lives in ways that include time for ourselves but I can rest a bit more easily knowing that while I have many faults and short-comings as a human, this is not one of them.