I’m going to be perfectly honest with you: This post very nearly didn’t happen. I spent the weekend trying to come up with an excuse to “forget” or why I couldn’t post today. Broken computer, broken camera, being so busy doing life that I just couldn’t come up with a few minutes to face up to some hard realities that have been slowly creeping up under my skin for a few weeks now. I feel good. Tired and exhausted from being up pretty much 24/7 and stressed out in dealing with the behavioural issues of Fit Boy but I have energy and very little, if any signs of depression. However, these last few weeks I’ve been victim to that inner cry baby that keeps saying the same things over and over again in my head:
You look disgusting.
You’re gross.
You’re body is hideous.
You’ll never be one of “those” girls.
8 weeks postpartum
4 weeks postpartum
It’s been a battle. In my heart of hearts I know better than to listen to that kind of self-talk. But the reality is that a growing part of me believes that voice. When I took my updated pictures a few days ago, my mind went into overdrive. I was more bloated looking than the previous month and had even gained some weight back. My mind went into overdrive:
Loser.
Failure.
Hypocrite.
When I set out to document my pregnancy and postpartum recovery, I did so with the idea that it needed to be put out there that this entire process is not easy. Ask anyone who has ever experienced prolonged injury, health struggles, attempted weight loss etc. In order to achieve victory, you must first experience set-back. Right now, I’m in a set-back phase and it’s time to re-group, re-think and re-stratagize.
The next 4 weeks my focus will be on regular exercise now that I’m cleared with a slow increase in intensity as my body allows. I will also be monitoring my food. I don’t count calories because I absolutely suck at it and I don’t have the patience to input anything into anywhere (not to mention the time). Instead, I will watch what I eat, plan ahead and limit the crap that comes home from the grocery store (sorry hubby!). My goal in the next 4 weeks is not to shed all the weight and inches at any cost, but rather to get back in touch with myself, my fitness and to continue to be the best mom I can to my boys.
If you want to read something a bit more uplifting an ensure that I’m not in a massive PPD funk, head over to yesterday’s post. It reeks of awesomeness.
It’s ok to hae pity parties, Sister! Feel it and move on. And if you find yourself stuck— lean on US.
xo
You look great so soon after baby no.2. It’s so hard to get back into things after a baby, good for you for being so motivated.
you’re doing a great job! give yourself a break. getting in shape is tough, especially with young kiddos who come first. you’ll get there!!!
Your plan sounds great. And, for the record, you already look GREAT too. I know how it is when you aren’t your normal and feeling up to your normal fitness level, though. You know it comes back, though. Keep on pushing and showing the ups and downs. It inspires many, I’m sure!
Seriously, you look amazing for just having a baby a couple of months ago!!
Yup. This is where I have been for almost six weeks since my surgery. The real work begins next week for me–and I know that there are going to be some major lows.
You know, I look at your picture and hear what you are up to and different words come to mind:
Brave – for posting and being real
Amazing – because postpartum we have hormones, sleep deprivation and are still healing
Strong – in body, mind and soul
A Mother – Cause you are, and it is beautiful!
I know you will achieve what you set out to. Just give your body the time to do it. Have a great week.
hi! found your post via #fitfluential on tiwtter. i hate those inner voices and I think we all struggle with those at some point. You’ve got a world of support here and I hope we can help get those “voices” to leave! You look awesome and are doing a great job for 8 weeks PP. Good luck!
Thank you, thank you and thank you
Thank you…for being brave enough to share you journey with such a potential critical audience…for having the confidence to take pictures of your rockin’ body and post them on the world wide web…and for making me feel better about my own struggles with returning to pre-pregnancy body. I’m faster than I’ve ever been, but my stomach is a mess of extra skin and flab and I hate it. But because of your words, I hate it a little less. We’re only human and we’re doing the best we can. Keep on charging lady!
Sending a virtual hug out your way. I know how you feel which is exactly why I’m putting it all out there. We’re not alone and there needs to be more of a voice for what really happens after those beautiful babies come into our lives.
You look great for 8 weeks out. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Your fitness and shape will return as long as you keep working at it. Maybe not as fast as you’d like, but it will come back. And year from now, you’ll only vaguely remember how difficult it was and how unhappy you may have been with your body. Trust me. My kids are 10 and 6 and when I look back at pictures, I can only barely remember how hard a time I had mentally with the body I had then. (I know I had a hard time, I journaled about it, but now my memory just says, “yeah, that took longer than I expected and kind of sucked, but whatever.”) So hang in there and focus on taking care of yourself.
Very true. I don’t remember what it was like with my 2 year old. I know it was easier but I also carried much differently too. I was all belly with Baby O and blew up everywhere with the 2 year old. I have every confidence that I’ll get back. Not being where I want to be only motivates me to keep working hard. Thank you!
I had to de-lurk to say that it is absolutely okay to have setbacks…it’s whether or not you want to COMEBACK. You look phenomenal for being two months postpartum, and it’s really hard for a lot of us to understand that goals like weight loss will see setbacks…and it’s natural. I don’t know a single person who set out to lose weight or get their before baby bodies back on the first try. You said it perfectly with: re-group, re-think and re-strategize.
Thank you. For both the comment and de-lurking
You look amazing and you’re doing a GREAT job!!!!
Your honesty and you are both beautiful
<3's to you.
You look fantastic – strong, healthy and fit.
I don’t know how any woman avoids that self-defeating talk in the weeks and months after pregnancy, regardless of how she really looks. But you’re doing SUCH a service to women, whether they’re currently childless, pregnant or are already moms, just by being honest about your body. And you’re certainly doing a service by educating men about reality, if any happen to read your blog
Seriously? You look better than 99% of other people. AND you grew a baby in there. Give yourself some time to get back to where you want to be. You’re adorable, lady. Keeping being you!
Please don’t be hard on yourself! I think you look amazing! I had my only child 21 years ago and I am finally pre baby weight. Haha! I can guarentee you will do better than me. Hang in there- breathe and put that camera DOWN. When you look in the mirror tell yourself every day is a work in progress, smile at your image and go on with your day. You ROCK in my book!
Yanno what I see? I see skin that is no longer filled with post-partum bloating. Just skin. not fat. Skin that will tone up on it’s own. With the exercise you’re doing you’ll speed that up because exercise speeds up the production of elastin – that protein in connective tissue that will increase the tightness of your skin. You are doing awesome!!!