I’m going to be perfectly honest with you: This post very nearly didn’t happen. I spent the weekend trying to come up with an excuse to “forget” or why I couldn’t post today. Broken computer, broken camera, being so busy doing life that I just couldn’t come up with a few minutes to face up to some hard realities that have been slowly creeping up under my skin for a few weeks now. I feel good. Tired and exhausted from being up pretty much 24/7 and stressed out in dealing with the behavioural issues of Fit Boy but I have energy and very little, if any signs of depression. However, these last few weeks I’ve been victim to that inner cry baby that keeps saying the same things over and over again in my head:
You look disgusting.
You’re body is hideous.
You’ll never be one of “those” girls.
8 weeks postpartum
4 weeks postpartum
It’s been a battle. In my heart of hearts I know better than to listen to that kind of self-talk. But the reality is that a growing part of me believes that voice. When I took my updated pictures a few days ago, my mind went into overdrive. I was more bloated looking than the previous month and had even gained some weight back. My mind went into overdrive:
When I set out to document my pregnancy and postpartum recovery, I did so with the idea that it needed to be put out there that this entire process is not easy. Ask anyone who has ever experienced prolonged injury, health struggles, attempted weight loss etc. In order to achieve victory, you must first experience set-back. Right now, I’m in a set-back phase and it’s time to re-group, re-think and re-stratagize.
The next 4 weeks my focus will be on regular exercise now that I’m cleared with a slow increase in intensity as my body allows. I will also be monitoring my food. I don’t count calories because I absolutely suck at it and I don’t have the patience to input anything into anywhere (not to mention the time). Instead, I will watch what I eat, plan ahead and limit the crap that comes home from the grocery store (sorry hubby!). My goal in the next 4 weeks is not to shed all the weight and inches at any cost, but rather to get back in touch with myself, my fitness and to continue to be the best mom I can to my boys.
If you want to read something a bit more uplifting an ensure that I’m not in a massive PPD funk, head over to yesterday’s post. It reeks of awesomeness.