When I started this blog, nearly a year ago, I never intended for anyone to read it. I never intended for it to be a regular fixture in my life and I never imagined it would become a health/fitness blog. It was essentially an outlet for me to write, vent, deal with my Post-Partum depression and the struggles of being a new mom and my attempts to get back my exercise mojo.
Then, the blog, like me, evolved.
So as I approach the end of year one and prepare to enter into year two, I find that I’ve developed some fears about blogging. I’ve developed a small following, joined in the community and made some amazing friendships along the way and as much as I love it, it also makes me nervous.
What if I want more?
That’s where I struggle. Above all else, this blog will always be about quality over quantity and I hope that I will always put out good content that is real, truthful and based on my own experiences, thoughts and (often times) mindless ramblings. But do I want to become a “successful” blog? And what the heck defines success? Thousands of google friends? Millions of page loads? A page rank higher than zero? Or how about companies approaching me daily to test out their fitness products and promote them to my billions of loyal readers (that number *might* be slightly inflated).
I don’t want to admit that sometimes I wish I were “popular” and the type of writer that people talked about with high regard, high respect and wee bit of envy… but I do. I think when you put a part of yourself into something your pride definitely sits in the front seat with you. I know there are great and easy ways to grow the blog that I don’t do right now because time doesn’t allow and I’m fairly tech-dense. I consider myself to be a mediocre writer at best. My spelling is horrible (thank you spell check) and my grammar would make any literary scholar, English major or 7th grader weep openly in despair (I had to spell check that). But that’s my style, whether it’s good or bad is really up to you.
So should I be less content? I’ve asked myself that a few times in recent months.
I’ve decided that no, I shouldn’t be less content because it’s not about the popularity. I love writing, I would be writing regardless of where I ended up. I don’t write for glory, I don’t write for recognition. I write because I have a passion for it and a passion for fitness. Combining the two gives me a super passion that’s hard to handle sometimes. Anything that comes my way from this passion is a bonus. If nothing else comes, I’m still going to write.
I can’t afford to pay for real therapy anyway.